![]() I don't know if he'll be going to jail, or what. But it's not fair to my emotionally unstable mom to be the only one to bear this. Obviously he doesn't want me to know, he's lied to keep it from me. I don't know what to do with this information. He is a single dad with a school aged son (mom died two years ago). I assume he hasn't had his court date yet. Long story short, I googled him and found out he was arrested for driving under the influence of drugs three months ago. She's obviously very stressed about it, but stress and emotional instability are her norm, so that isn't always an indicator. My mother has been insinuating that something is going on in my brother's life, but won't say what. I'm hoping you can help sort out a family issue. Now's a painful time to find out whether it can, but better than postponing it till it hurts even more. looking out for yourselves while sharing address. For "everything I hoped our relationship would become" to have any kind of fulfillment- and staying power, it has to translate into the two of you looking out for each other, vs. communicate just to get your own points across. Find out now whether you and he can communicate to get closer and solve problems, vs. ![]() ![]() ![]() Please talk again, starting with the "overreacting" issue. and, when the next crush comes along, will he cross the line again, while kidding himself that "nothing happened"? He can acknowledge and empathize with those very real feelings while still understanding that commitment is not the same thing as crush prevention. You're hurt, angry, and replaying his proposal in your mind as a fraud. You don't want someone who can't tell the difference between having a different opinion and dismissing your opinion. He doesn't want to drift into permanence under those conditions, either. You don't want to be with someone who is already not getting from you what he needs emotionally. Of course both are important here, and both are legitimate grounds for ending this relationship-depending on how you both choose to deal with them. Thanks again for all the great advice over the years!įull disclosure, i've gotten to the point where I'm more bothered by the idea of being told "You're overreacting" than the idea of an extra-relationship crush. Everyone (family, friends, etc.) had an opinion on whether leaving my marriage was the right thing to do and all she cared about was whether I thought I was doing the right thing. Sometimes one of the best things about seeing her was just being able to talk to someone who had no stake in my decisions other than to make sure I was doing what was right for me. As a longtime reader of your column, I know you always advocate for finding the right resources/help and while I never thought I would need therapy myself, I am now a huge advocate for it. My therapist has been an immense help in making me realize that I needed to put myself/my own mental health/my happiness first, which is something I hadn't done in a long time. For getting married in the first place or for the divorce. My divorce became final a month ago and while I'm sad that it had to end that way, I have no regrets. I took your advice and found a great therapist who helped me (and eventually us) really think through the issues in the marriage. Carolyn, I saw my post from last year in yesterday's column and wanted to send an update.
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